The thing is: when someone calls you too skinny, that hurts. It’s inappropriate, hurtful, and makes you self conscious. But at the end of the day, you pick up a magazine, you turn on the TV, you go on the internet on a gossip site - what do you see? Women who look like you. Women who have a body that recalls yours, women who are considered the standards of beauty to which all must follow to be considered beautiful. You go to a store, and odds are you can find clothes that are in your size. Odds are you don’t have go to stores dedicated to people your size, clothes that might not be as cute and are definitively more expensive.
When you’re fat, not only does it hurt, but society just confirms it day after day. You flip on TV, you read a magazine, and there are no women in your size. Nobody with a body like yours, nobody modeling clothes or being called gorgeous. You go to a store, and you can’t find clothes that fit you - and even if you do find things in larger sizes, they still don’t LOOK right, don’t fit right, cause they were designed for thinner girls in mind, and making these clothes in larger sizes doesn’t mean it’s going to look good on your body. You’re told you’re ugly by a piece of shit and basically the world you live in says back, well, yeah, that’s true.
That’s the difference. No, people making comments about your body are ALWAYS unwelcome and gross, but a thin person and fat person still live in the same society that caters and upholds thinness as a standard of beauty. That doesn’t change, and that’s why it’s not the same.” — On why skinnyshaming isn’t the same as fatshaming (via madame-mayor)
Cabinet card of Greta Rosenbräjer by Ida Nyman, Tampere, Finland ca. 1900. From my personal collection.
ca. 1850, [daguerreotype portrait of an eagle]
A List of “Men’s Rights” Issues That Feminism Is Already Working On
Feminists do not want you to lose custody of your children. The assumption that women are naturally better caregivers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not like commercials in which bumbling dads mess up the laundry and competent wives have to bustle in and fix it. The assumption that women are naturally better housekeepers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to make alimony payments. Alimony is set up to combat the fact that women have been historically expected to prioritize domestic duties over professional goals, thus minimizing their earning potential if their “traditional” marriages end. The assumption that wives should make babies instead of money is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to get raped in prison. Permissiveness and jokes about prison rape are part of rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to be falsely accused of rape. False rape accusations discredit rape victims, which reinforces rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be lonely and we do not hate “nice guys.” The idea that certain people are inherently more valuable than other people because of superficial physical attributes is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to pay for dinner. We want the opportunity to achieve financial success on par with men in any field we choose (and are qualified for), and the fact that we currently don’t is part of patriarchy. The idea that men should coddle and provide for women, and/or purchase their affections in romantic contexts, is condescending and damaging and part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be maimed or killed in industrial accidents, or toil in coal mines while we do cushy secretarial work and various yarn-themed activities. The fact that women have long been shut out of dangerous industrial jobs (by men, by the way) is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to commit suicide. Any pressures and expectations that lower the quality of life of either gender are part of patriarchy. The fact that depression is characterized as an effeminate weakness, making men less likely to seek treatment, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be viewed with suspicion when you take your child to the park (men frequently insist that this is a serious issue, so I will take them at their word). The assumption that men are insatiable sexual animals, combined with the idea that it’s unnatural for men to care for children, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be drafted and then die in a war while we stay home and iron stuff. The idea that women are too weak to fight or too delicate to function in a military setting is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want women to escape prosecution on legitimate domestic violence charges, nor do we want men to be ridiculed for being raped or abused. The idea that women are naturally gentle and compliant and that victimhood is inherently feminine is part of patriarchy.
Feminists hate patriarchy. We do not hate you.
If you really care about those issues as passionately as you say you do, you should be thanking feminists, because feminism is a social movement actively dedicated to dismantling every single one of them. The fact that you blame feminists—your allies—for problems against which they have been struggling for decades suggests that supporting men isn’t nearly as important to you as resenting women. We care about your problems a lot. Could you try caring about ours?” —
Autostraddle (via notaprincessdestinedtobeawitch)
Guys. You need to read this.
How to Be Fat (In a World That Wants to Destroy You)
Writers note: these are some things I have learned after living for more than two and a half decades as a fat person. This list isn’t, by any means, comprehensive or relevant to every fat person. Some things might be relevant to people who aren’t fat. That’s great. But don’t forget that this is by and for fat folks. Some things I am still trying to learn. Some things you probably already know but it just helps to have someone else say them. I hope you find use in some of these things. I hope you can teach me more.
1) Never justify your body to anyone ever again. You have a right to exist. Period. Your humanity needs no qualifiers.
2) Being fat in this world is difficult. Sometimes it can be sad. It will make you strong. But let yourself feel your feelings. When you are sad or happy or hungry or angry or full or exhausted or frustrated or exhilarated or loved or in love. Feel them. They are all valid. You are not a burden.
3) Look at yourself. Make eye contact with you in the mirror. Look at yourself. From the side. From the back. Naked. Sitting down. Standing up. Lying down. Legs over your head. Know yourself from all sides and try to remember they’re all valid. All your stretch marks and scars and cellulite and acne and moles, discoloring and rough skin.
4) Re-learn how to take up space. Fat people— especially fat women— are taught to be ashamed and embarrassed of the space we take up. Fuck. That. Don’t be ashamed to assert your needs. If the booth at that restaurant is too small your abundance don’t be afraid to ask for a table. If that chair breaks under your brilliance… well, fuck that chair. That chair sucked.
5) Make fat friends. Stop hanging out with people who make you feel bad about yourself, either intentionally or not. Don’t hang out with people who shame you for eating what you want. Who want to take you shopping but only go to stores who don’t carry your size. Who treat your fatness and your beauty as if they are mutually exclusive. Who take you to bars where you never get hit on and pretend not to notice. Who diminish your feelings because the fucked up asshole cashier just did some fucked up subtle microaggressive fat hating bullshit and try to make you think it was about something else. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
6) Listen to your body. Be aware of its limits and don’t be ashamed of them. Just because your body works differently than others doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Stairs are bullshit. Everyone knows it and if they don’t they’re lying to themselves. It’s ok to take the elevator. Unbutton your pants when you need to. Even in public. Pants are a social construct.
7) Walk with your head high. Feast on the insecurities of those who would hate you for it.
8) If you’re into sex and/or dating: have sex with and/or date other fat folks. Finding beauty and eroticism in another fat body is a wonderful way to find it in yours. Don’t hold the attention of thin folks as a higher form of validation than from fat people. Plus, fat sex is just hot.
9) Reclaim your body. Take ownership of it. Wear sleeveless shirts, short skirts, bright colors, crop tops. Tattoo it. Pierce it. BE in your body. Make it your own. Fuck everything you thought your fatness prevented you from doing.
10) Rethink anything negative anyone ever told you about your body. Know that problems with your body are not inherent to your body but a result of a world that wasn’t built for you. Know that this isn’t your fault. Your body is exactly how it was meant to be. Humanmade structures weren’t meant to contain natural beauty.
A carte de visite of a dog begging on its hind legs by Aunes Fotografi Atelier, Turku, Finland, ca. 1880’s. From my personal collection.