“But you’re not fat, don’t say that,” he responded.
Tell that to the hips that got caught in a turnstile yesterday and everyday that she forgets to turn sideways. Tell that to the stores that stop at size 12 (or size 10 if she wanted to look her age). Tell that to the small woman rolling her eyes beside me on the subway as my booty spills over into her seat. Tell that to the holes my inner thighs have rubbed into every pair of jeans I own. Tell that to the rolls on my back & the crevices in my ass.
Tell that to the silence at the end of your sentence that should say “because fat people are ugly, because if I think you’re attractive you can’t be fat because I’m saving fat to degrade a woman two sizes smaller than you but with a flatter chest & a spare tire. Because you’re not fat is a compliment even when it’s not true because what I’m really saying is you don’t repulse me the way fat people are supposed to repulse me. Because I get final say on your body, not you & I’m giving you a pass for the same dimpled ass I laughed at on another woman yesterday because your waistline is smaller than hers and a normal woman would just be happy with that.”
Hi Froggy! As usual, the internet does not give a very good example of a social movement. The men's rights movement is actually mostly concerned with addressing the lack of justice for male victims of rape & domestic violence, more prominent mental illness & suicide in men, family court bias & selective military service, as well as social attitudes towards male disposability and incompetence. Not shorts in the workplace. And it certainly isn't about perpetuating misogyny. Have a good one!
I’ve been to the forums. I’ve interacted with the people. I’ve tried to give the men’s rights movement a chance. Unfortunately the people involved are much more concerned about derailing and dismantling feminism than actually solving any of those issues. As if they can’t make any progress until feminism is destroyed.
"Family court is unfair and biased towards women. Those darn feminists!" Except that the majority of lawmakers are old white men. From federal to state legislature… they created all the rules, regulations, and laws that govern the courts. They think they are doing men a favor. "Raising children is a woman’s job. Just send a check every month and let them take care of the ankle biters." And the whole family court system is pretty dysfunctional. It isn’t a utopia for mothers that grants their every wish. Mothers and fathers both have the same enemy. They have to influence the same lawmakers to improve the system.
Male rape victims don’t get taken seriously. Again, most detectives are men. Most of the police leadership are men. The lawmakers are mostly men. So let’s blame feminism for not getting justice.
You really don’t think women care about male victims of abuse? Many feminists are mothers of sons. Sons who they love to no end. Of course they care. Of course they want the justice system to care about their sons. Which is why feminists want to dismantle the system that says that men are strong and women are weak. The system that says men cannot really be raped.
The problem lies in how MRAs react to feminism. They see people talking about women’s issues and their reaction is not one of empathy. It is always, “What about us? Bad stuff happens to us too.” Just like that fellow who saw women trying to talk about their hardships in a work environment. He pipes in and complains about not being able to wear shorts. And worse, he equates his issue with theirs even though they aren’t even close in magnitude. Yes, it was a ridiculous example, but it perfectly demonstrated this common reaction men seem to have. When someone is talking about their problems, the proper response is not to reply with a list of your problems. No one is saying that your problems don’t matter, just that this isn’t the proper time to talk about them.
If the MRAs continue to derail every conversation by making it about them, they are not going to be taken seriously. There is plenty of space to talk about men’s issues. They don’t need to invade the space of feminism to be heard. And if they keep thinking women are the enemy, even though women are actually trying to make progress with some of the very issues you mentioned, they aren’t going to have much luck actually solving anything they care about.
A boy sprawled next to me on the bus, elbows out, knee pointing sharp into my thigh.
He frowned at me when I uncrossed my legs, unfolded my hands
and splayed out like boys are taught to: all big, loose limbs.
I made sure to jab him in the side with my pretty little sharp purse.
At first he opened his mouth like I expected him to, but instead of speaking up he sat there, quiet, and took it for the whole bus ride.
Like a girl.
Once, a boy said my anger was cute, and he laughed,
and I remember thinking that I should sit there and take it,
because it isn’t ladylike to cause a scene and girls aren’t supposed to raise their voices.
But then he laughed again and all I saw
was my pretty little sharp nails digging into his cheek
before drawing back and making a horribly unladylike fist.
(my teacher informed me later that there is no ladylike way of making a fist.)
When we were both in the principal’s office twenty minutes later
him with a bloody mouth and cheek, me with skinned knuckles,
I tried to explain in words that I didn’t have yet
that I was tired of having my emotions not taken seriously
just because I’m a girl.
Girls are taught: be small, so boys can be big.
Don’t take up any more space than absolutely necessary.
Be small and smooth with soft edges
and hold in the howling when they touch you and it hurts:
the sandpaper scrape of their body hair that we would be shamed for having,
the greedy hands that press too hard and too often take without asking permission.
Girls are taught: be quiet and unimposing and oh so small
when they heckle you with their big voices from the window of a car,
because it’s rude to scream curse words back at them, and they’d just laugh anyway.
We’re taught to pin on smiles for the boys who jeer at us on the street
who see us as convenient bodies instead of people.
Girls are taught: hush, be hairless and small and soft,
so we sit there and take it and hold in the howling,
pretend to be obedient lapdogs instead of the wolves we are.
We pin pretty little sharp smiles on our faces instead of opening our mouths,
because if we do we get accused of silly women emotions
blowing everything out of proportion with our PMS, we get
condescending pet names and not-so-discreet eyerolls.
Once, I got told I punched like a girl.
I told him, Good. I hope my pretty little sharp rings leave scars.
”—'My Perfume Doubles As Mace,' theappleppielifestyle. (via queenofeden)
The thing is: when someone calls you too skinny, that hurts. It’s inappropriate, hurtful, and makes you self conscious. But at the end of the day, you pick up a magazine, you turn on the TV, you go on the internet on a gossip site - what do you see? Women who look like you. Women who have a body that recalls yours, women who are considered the standards of beauty to which all must follow to be considered beautiful. You go to a store, and odds are you can find clothes that are in your size. Odds are you don’t have go to stores dedicated to people your size, clothes that might not be as cute and are definitively more expensive.
When you’re fat, not only does it hurt, but society just confirms it day after day. You flip on TV, you read a magazine, and there are no women in your size. Nobody with a body like yours, nobody modeling clothes or being called gorgeous. You go to a store, and you can’t find clothes that fit you - and even if you do find things in larger sizes, they still don’t LOOK right, don’t fit right, cause they were designed for thinner girls in mind, and making these clothes in larger sizes doesn’t mean it’s going to look good on your body. You’re told you’re ugly by a piece of shit and basically the world you live in says back, well, yeah, that’s true.
That’s the difference. No, people making comments about your body are ALWAYS unwelcome and gross, but a thin person and fat person still live in the same society that caters and upholds thinness as a standard of beauty. That doesn’t change, and that’s why it’s not the same.
On why skinnyshaming isn’t the same as fatshaming, crystalzelda (via crystalzelda)
I stood by this when I posted this, and I still do. You can keep your tl;dr musings and your anecdotal evidence of how once someone told your thin friend to eat a salad equals to the societal and systemic beauty standards that call for women to be as thin as possible and cater to a very select and limited body type. This post isn’t endorsing the misogynistic practice of commenting on women’s bodies like they were public property, which is part of the patriarchy, it is laying out why saying “thin women have it hard too” is a false equivalency and utterly derailing. You’re mad someone told your friend to eat a burger? Go talk about patriarchal and sexist values that let people feel comfortable policing women’s bodies instead of hijacking posts about the damage fat shaming does to women all over the world.
I don’t know what prompted you to send me the dumbest message I’ve received in at least 6 months, but nowhere in the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of “fitness” do I find the word “skinny.” Even synonyms for the word “fitness” focus 100% on health attributes as opposed to size attributes. So I’m sorry if you have this deep seeded complex that refuses to allow you to accept that, from all standpoints of medicine, science, and flat out fact, fitness is irrelevant to body size. That really sucks for you that your brain is struggling to let you come to terms with that. However, it is also 100% not my problem.
Please, list me all of those female architects, scientists and great minds that male architects and scientists ripped off. No, really, I am curious to see all of these female inventors and pioneers you’re speaking of.
Ada Lovelace - Founder of scientific computing, the world’s first computer programmer. Modern computers as we know them wouldn’t exist without her innovations.
Queen Seondeok of Silla - Silla was one of the three kingdoms in Korea’s Three Kingdom period and Seondeok was its first reigning Queen. She is well known for setting up the first astronomy tower in Asia and for founding several Buddhist temples.
Cecilia Payne - Discovered what the sun was made of. Was then prohibited from publishing her work. Henry Norris Russel republished her work as his own and received all the credit.
Jocelyn Bell Burnell - Discovered the first pulsar. Anthony Hewish took credit and listed her a non involved assistant, he had nothing to do with the discovery. Not only did he receive all the credit, he received the Nobel prize.
Lise Meitner - Co-discovered nuclear fission and her male colleagues refused to name her in their publication. The men won the Nobel Prize, and she received no credit.
Nettie Stevens - Discovered chromosomes determined sex, when she sent her work to a man for peer review, he published a book of her work passing it off as his own and named her a technician.
Marie Curie - Noted Nobel prize laureate (first lady to earn 2), discovered radium. Barred from many prestigious male dominated academic organizations like the French Academy due to being a female. She was demonized and attacked by men all her life simply for being superior to men in the field, and men in general.
Marie Van Brittan Brown - Co-invented home security surveillance that is the precursor of home security systems today. You wont hear her name in history class, not only is she a woman, she is a black woman. ERASED by nasty white men LIKE YOU.
Lucy Terry - Another historical black woman, erased by neo-colonialist white men. This young lady was a teenager when she composed the first known work of literature by an African American person.
Mary Shelley -Invented science fiction. She literally invented a genre of literature, she was a teenager when she wrote her first piece. Across the northern American continent. While she was pregnant.
Sacagawea - An indigenous American (Lemhi Shoshone) who led Lewis & Clark across the northern American continent. While she was pregnant.
Elizabeth Gurley Flynn - feminist, suffragette, civil rights activist, founded the ACLU
Sarah Parker Remond -worked to desegregate schools and end slavery. Also noted physician- but you wont read about her in your white history books because she is black. Its like you white dudes just threw together some shitty fan fiction and called that history.
Hedy Lamarr - came up with an early technique for spread spectrum communications and frequency hopping, necessary for wireless communication from the pre-computer age to the present day. She invented your wi-fi in addition to being an actress. SUCK IT.
Vera Rubin -Rejected from Princeton because she was female, went to Cornell instead and discovered dark matter while earning her PhD. Went on to make contributions that your simpleminded white male self couldn’t begin to fathom.
This list is just a taste of what women have accomplished. Women invented the core technologies that make civilization possible. This is a not a feminist myth, this is what anthropologists KNOW. Women have made those contributions in spite of astonishing hurdles. Hurdles like not being allowed to go to school, or not being allowed to work in an office with men, or join a professional society, or walk on the street, or own property. Hell, some of these women were legally deemed property, a fraction of a human being.
Eleanor of Aquitaine, Queen Catherine the Great, Queen Christina of Sweden, Anacaona of Hispaniola, Hypatia of Athens, Aspasia of Thebes, Dido, Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Nzhinga of Matamba, Joan of Arc, Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Anne Boleyn, Queen Catherine of Spain, Queen Isabella of Castille, Florence Nightingale, Boudicca of the Picts, Hildegard of Bingen, Heloise of Paris, St Theresa of Avila, Theodora of Constantinople, Queen Sybila of Jerusalem, Queen Catherine de Medici, Mirabai of India, Cady Stanton, Margaret Sanger, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Emmeline Pankhurst, Emily Murphy, Rosa Luxembourg, ArchEmpress Maria Theresa of the Austrian-Hungarian Empire…
Did you want more? Those are just the ones I could think of off the top of my head.
aww you put in mirabai :)
and of course…from the sciences…rosalind franklin, jocelyn burnell, ester lederburg, LISE MEITNER, mathilde krim, and countless, countless others (did you know that menten of michaelis-menten was a woman?); these are just from the west; this doesn’t count women elsewhere who are trafficked and raped from birth instead of being allowed to explore their potential in the sciences. here’s a list of indian women overshadowed in the sciences. if women’s potential in the sciences were fulfilled and nurtured and credit duly given then it would probably change the world as we know it overnight.
Of course! Theology was a major area of philosophical study, and from what I read, she was very knowledgeable And any woman who survives three assassination attempts (iirc? I know there was more than just the one) is p badass. Also women have always had a place in the sciences. We were the first computer programmers, telephone technicians and medical professionals (rural women figured out how to prevent smallpox hundreds of years before Germ Theory or the concept of inoculation was a thing). Haven’t died of smallpox recently? You’re welcome. <3
You ladies are amazing! All this history, our history off the top of your head!
Thank you both, this is exactly what I was trying to convey to this ignorant dudebro. Who has yet to respond, btw.
Also, to throw in some of my other favorite ladies that I don’t see listed so far: Simone de Beauvoir, Émilie du Châtelet, Princess Elisabeth of the Palantine, Sofia Vasilyevna Kovalevskaya, Emmy Noether… I could go on and on. All sorts of brilliant ladies who directly influenced men we cherry pick from history (Voltaire, Sartre, etc.) or whose accomplishments we’ve forgotten despite their value have existed throughout time, everywhere and every place.
Oh look, more erased women who built civilization as we know it! What would women do without men to steal our discoveries and take credit for them? IDK thrive, probably
Its like you white dudes just threw together some shitty fan fiction and called that history.
Oh SNAP, Tumblr Justice warriors go in.
Don’t forget Trotula. This 11th century physician was one of the most incredible OBGYN’s of olden times, she pioneered sooooooo many new treatments and wrote many books. She’s the person who declared that women should be given painkillers when they give birth and that some men might be infertile. Super radical ideas at the time. Physicians all over europe used her work for the next 500+ years. After she died the monk tasked with documenting her life thought Trotula was so amazing that she couldn’t possibly be a woman and so must be a man. In his writings about her life he switched all the she’s to he’s….this mistake (I see it as an act of aggression) has confused the case of her gender ever since.
It’s fine for men to watch shojo anime and read shojo manga like Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura.
It’s fine for men to make pornographic doujinshi of these, buy figurines, and jack off to the characters.
It’s fine for men to completely invade a Pretty Cure forum created for young girls and scare said girls away. It’s fine for these men to twist the entire fandom around themselves, its fine for them to show up to Pretty Cure events in throngs and its fine for them to frantically grab all the free handouts before any of the girls can.
It’s also fine for men to take these magical girl anime made for girls that celebrate being a girl and make them all about their pornography and which girl they most want to put their dick in. It’s fine, because theres even a cute name for them, ‘Ooki Tomodachi’ (Big Friend).
It’s fine for them to do the same with My Little Pony, of course. It’s fine that they can make the voice actors of the show uncomfortable with personal questions, its fine that they can yell out rape jokes to them at conventions, its fine that they have basically made it impossible for any of the 8 year old girls the show was made for to ever google it in public. It’s fine for them to gather in the toy stores around the pony toys and intimidate young girls. It’s fine that the whole show, created to celebrate femininity and how ‘theres no wrong way to be a girl’ is now associated with their fetishes. And its so fine that these male fans get given a cute name (‘brony’), get documentaries made about them, have newspaper article after blog post after feature talking about how they are ‘challenging gender norms’ and ‘transforming pop culture’.
But if a girl ‘trespasses’ into a male space, what happens? (Even when it isnt ‘trespassing’, in the case of Free!, in which a space was actually made for us ) We can expect such timeless classics as: degradation, ‘you’re not even a REAL fan!’ ‘I bet you dont even know ______’, all kinds of threats, and, of course, the posts you see on this blog.
This! This nails what makes me so uncomfortable about brony stuff. I don’t care if guys like “girl” things. What bothers me is how they move into a female space and take it over and make it all about their dicks, then act offended when women get uncomfortable with it. They cannot imagine a space that they can’t co-opt and make their own.
BUT they also can’t imagine women having their own space OR invading a “male” space like comic books or science fiction. Jesus fucking christ, dudes, could we women get a little fucking space?